Mom defends 14-year-old daughter from having to watch 4 young kids: 'Stop asking a teenager for support'

Author image for Remy Millisky
Remy Millisky • Writer and Editor
Dec 1, 2024 11:00 AM EST

This high schooler wanted to join 10 clubs at school, and her parents had no issues with it… too bad her stepmother had other plans for her. 

You don't need to have four children of your own to know how challenging it can be to raise a kid. Even parents of just one child can end up overwhelmed with how much care they need. Babies need constant attention of course, but even older kids still need three meals a day, new clothes, entertainment, and rides to all their sports games, just to start. Now multiply that by four, and you can see just how overwhelming parenthood can be! Luckily for these people, they do have a village around them to help out. But they may be putting too much pressure on their stepdaughter. 

This woman and her husband are totally cool with letting a lone 14-year-old care for their three kids and infant child. Many babysitters will refuse to watch more than three kids at a time, because it's just too much work for one person to handle. This is also a very young teenager, and she wants to enjoy her life, as she indicated by telling her parents that she wanted to join a handful of clubs at school. Now, her mom and stepmom are arguing over whose responsibility it is to watch this big group of kids, as you can read below. 

Next up, this employee was mortified to realize they'd accidentally sent an email to their boss that she wasn't supposed to see, writing that her previous email was, "Really bad. Hope this helps!"

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    Cheezburger Image 10434094336
    via Yunus Tuğ For Unsplash+

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    AITA for telling my child's step-mother to grow up and stop asking a teenager for support?
    via u/[deleted]
  • 03
    I (39F) have two children, Kimmy, (14F) and (9M) and share custody with their father, Dave. Kimmy is starting high school soon and her school sent a list of their extracurriculars. I want my children to be academically inclined and join clubs to meet people. I told Kimmy to pick some clubs, and as of right now she picked out 10 (which we are definitely going to shorten down).
    via u/[deleted]
  • 04
    Kimmy sent a list of clubs to her father so he could help her. He didn't respond and instead, I got a call from Dave's wife, Amy, a little later. Amy asked me if Kimmy was really going to join all of those clubs, and I said not all but probably some of them.
    via u/[deleted]
  • 05
    Amy followed by asking if Kimmy could only join one of the clubs on her list, which confused me. I asked why. Amy explained that she has to go to work soon, and she really needs someone to take care of her kids. She was hoping that Kimmy would be able to go to their house straight after school and take care of them.
    via u/[deleted]
  • 06
    Amy has 3 kids under 13, and recently had a baby with Dave. Kimmy has ADHD which makes it hard for her to care for her own needs. I already feel extremely uncomfortable leaving her with 4 kids that young unattended. Amy didn't even mention transportation and how Kimmy would get there. I told her no.
    via u/[deleted]
  • 07
    This upset Amy. She told me that Kimmy is a part of her family too, and as a family they all need to chip in and according to her, Kimmy should chip in by babysitting. She ranted on, giving me a sob story as to how she was struggling already with Dave working, how hard it was to be mom to 4 kids who depend on her so much, and how expensive childcare was nowadays.
    via u/[deleted]
  • 08
    I told her no, and why I was uncomfortable, to which she just reiterated her story (this happened twice). By this time, I said no 3 times and she was still asking. I thought it was clear that no meant no, not no and ask again later. I interrupted her and told her no is my final answer and she's honestly pathetic to ask a 14-year-old for support and it sounds she needs to grow up instead of relying on children to pick up her slack.
    via u/[deleted]
  • 09
    As you would expect, Amy and Dave are upset at me, which I don't really mind. My only issue is that when I told my sister, she thought I was being cruel which is making me rethink things. AITA?
    via u/[deleted]
  • 10
    Edit: A common question I'm being asked is what custody looks like. My kids go to their father's one week every month and stay with me for the rest. But there are times where they stay at their father's longer than expected (with my permission). For instance, the kids stayed a couple weeks at their father for the summer. Sometimes they stay an extra few days, but the custody is officially me 3/4 and him 1/4, with me being their primary caregiver.
    via u/[deleted]
  • 11
    Edit2: A lot of you guys are asking about Amy's kids. The oldest is around my son's age albeit a bit older, and I literally have no idea if their father is helping them or if they have the same father because it's none of my business and those are not at all my kids.
    via u/[deleted]
  • 12
    you Edit3: While I'm very glad a lot fellow millennials liked The Babysitter Club, can you please stop using it as a reference? I've read some ridiculous comments on this post, but using fictional 12-year-olds who acted like teenagers as a reason for my child to babysit are one of the most ridiculous ones I've seen. That's like if I used Aladdin to prove why my kids should get a genie.
    via u/[deleted]
  • 13
    Edit4: Additionally, I don't think struggling moms should be bashed, but they should be treated like humans and need to know when boundaries were crossed. Dave and I have been co-parenting for a while, so there was a time when I was in Amy's shoes and wondering what I would do with my kiddos. A thought that did not cross my mind was asking a minor to
    via u/[deleted]
  • 14
    unwillingly drop all of their interests. There's a difference between setting boundaries and knowing my child can't take on a responsibility and simply wanting to put a struggling mother down just because it was another Tuesday.
    via u/[deleted]
  • 15
    Edit5: My kids have also been talked to this about, and we're setting firm boundaries with step-mom and dad.
    via u/[deleted]
  • 16
    OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the a_h_le: I interrupted her and told her no is my final answer and she's honestly pathetic to ask a 14-year-old for support and it sounds she needs to grow up instead of relying on children to pick up her slack.
    via u/[deleted]
  • 17
    [deleted] NTA. The fact that she wouldn't take no for an answer shows that they had already presumed Kimmy would be their primary child carer before she was even asked. I also noticed no mention of pay- is that due to FaMiLy too? ..Not Kimmy's shitshow or responsibility- good for you for sticking up for your daughter.
    via u/[deleted]
  • 18
    CrewelSummer She ranted on, giving me a sob story as to how she was struggling already with Dave working, how hard it was to be mom to 4 kids who depend on her so much, and how expensive childcare was nowadays.
    via u/CrewelSummer
  • 19
    Dang, too bad she just thought of these things right now when she learned the step-kid wasn't built in free childcare. Maybe if she hadn't assumed that a literal child would function as a free nanny for her, she would have thought of all this over a year ago and realized that it would be a very bad decision to have another kid when things are already so difficult with the 3 she has.
    via u/CrewelSummer
  • 20
    NTA. Amy does need to grow up and start making better long-term decisions so that she doesn't create situations for herself that she can't manage. She's failing to do that currently because she's assuming that someone else will bail her out of her bad decisions so the consequences will be mitigated and she can do what she wants. That's bad, but it's even worse because she assumes that children
    via u/CrewelSummer
  • 21
    will compensate for her bad adult decisions, which would be harmful to the children. Hold the line, and make Amy figure out how to clean up her own mess. If Kimmy steps in as daily childcare, I think there's a pretty good chance Amy gets pregnant again. Babies are so cute and fun when you get to hand them off to someone! But if Amy has to find her own solutions, I
    via u/CrewelSummer
  • 22
    think there's a much better chance that Amy decides she's done after 4 because she's exceeded her limit.
    via u/CrewelSummer
  • 23
    Kukka63 NTA, it's absolutely outrageous that they expect a 14 year old to take care of 4 children, what a ridiculous idea. Kimmy is a young person who deserves to enjoy her life, attend clubs and other activities. Step- mum should have not had yet another child if she (and her partner) cannot manage.
    via u/Kukka63
  • 24
    11SkiHill Go back to court and make the judge aware the step parent is trying to force your 14 year old to do unpaid labor. Tell husband NO. Your 14 year old cannot take the responsibility of her stepmother's kids. Hard NO. Tell him you are going to court over it.
    via u/11SkiHill

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teens family drama stepmother aita school club mother stepmom teacher clubs high school family daughter Father
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